Fishing

We had decided to go fishing down at our local beach, the tide was out and the rocks were exposed. Great for the big boys who had gone prepared for rock climbing with their fishing rods. Not so good for little people who went in crocs and slipped about. With me really not thinking I took them all over to the rocks to look for fish and to help George sort out his very tangled line. Whoops over goes Rachel for the third time and this time there was lots of blood from a nice couple of cuts on her knee. Much arguing, makeshift bandages and hiking back up the hill, we get home and call Pete. Wonderful man that he is he managed to come straight home to look after the boys and then out to the hospital for some cleaning out and gluing.

So I am grateful that

- It was just her knee and not anything else

- It was just one of them

- That Pete was able to come home early

- That after the rain the sun came out and the ground began to steam

- That every time I go to that beach I am reminded of this picture I took on another day. It makes me realise how small we are, how big this country is and how much bigger God is!

Tags: 2011, Australia, beach, God

Philippians 4 v 4-7

Says

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

There has been not a lot of peace in my mind recently, but there have been some wonderful revelations from God about where my thoughts have been going wrong. It has been difficult and I hope that one day I will be able to look back at this time and see how God has been working, I am sure he is in control but sometimes I have to literally fight my own thoughts to believe this!

One bible verse which has really struck me is this one above. I really want the peace of God in my mind and heart, and alongside the advice from the physiotherapist, I want to become more thankful. I want to retrain my negative brain to become more positive and I want to thank God for everything that he is doing in me. It is really hard and my negative thinking habits are years old but little by little with Gods help I can do this. So what can I thank God for now… ( I am told this will get easier!)

- Four wonderful, full of energy, healthy living children.

- A wonderful husband who works so hard to provide for all of us.

- Evenings where I don’t have to stress about what needs to be made and washed for the next day

- Evenings with time to get to know God better!

- The beauty of classical music, which I am rediscovering.

- A huge house which ‘works’, even if it looks as if 4 young children have been having pillow fights in it all morning!

Tags: 2011, christianity, Christmas, God

Carrying the Elephant

This is the title of one of my favourite prose books, written by Michael Rosen it is a collection of memories which include the very poignant ones about the loss of his 18 year old son. I am not in any way comparing our loss to that of loosing and 18 year old, but I can totally understand the expression. These last three months have been… excruciating, no that is not right, they have been a journey, one of painful healing.

Just before the Easter holidays I was diagnosed with depression. Telling people that gets lots of different reactions, but I am finding much like telling people that we had a miscarriage that lots of people go through something like this. It is strange that it is not talked about out in the open, I am not sure why. Maybe it is just too difficult, and painful to remember. So life in this mind took a nose dive just when Oliver was due, but with the help of lots of wonderful people I am retraining my brain to think positive.

We went away this holiday to a place just outside of Oberon ( for those not in the know head west from Sydney and up a few mountains!) This is a very cold place – and I am not just saying that because my blood has thinned from living here 6 years. The wind chill never got above -1 the entire time, but we had some stunning scenery to enjoy. This for me is a leap forwards, that I found the scenery stunning and that I enjoyed it. After we lost Oliver the world became tainted. Nothing was beautiful, nothing was as enjoyable as it used to be. I was never going to enjoy life as I had. But I am slowly beginning to adjust to the new person I have become. Life is moving again, things are beginning to change in my mind.

The first morning of our trip away we awoke to a frozen world….

Discovering the ice on the car!

This was the view.

Apologies to all who think that mere frost is unexciting, when you have never seen ice on the ground before, or that you can’t remember frost since you were so young, it is pretty exciting!… and when it graces such an amazing view, ’nuff said.

Tags: 2011, Holidays, Oliver